“If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I’ll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!”
― J.M. Barrie
1. You drop it down low in Zumba class and you have a really, really ridiculously hard time getting back up.
2. You’re out with your girls and you notice an attractive guy in the distance. The very first comment made is no longer about whether or not he has a nice tush or a captivating smile, but whether or not he has a ring on his finger.
3. When you say the words, “I love you,” or “I’m sorry,” or “Goodbye,” you say them as gigantic bulging butterflies swarm the lining of your delicate stomach. You’re aware that these words carry tremendous weight, just like you’re aware that these words have an expiration date.
4. Crappy fast food actually starts to taste crappy.
5. It’s no longer a two-drink minimum for you. It’s a two-drink maximum, or else you’ll be snoozing on top of the marble slab bar before midnight.
6. You put that sexy short leopard print dress back on the hanger at Forever 21 because you fully respect why your HR department wouldn’t find that work appropriate.
7. WebMD is always at the top of your browsing history.
8. You’re sometimes tempted to ask the DJ at the club to turn down the bass, just a little.
9. On the top of your things to worry about list, you’ll find words like: cholesterol, taxes, marriage, credit score.
10. Questions that make you overcome with pure rage include:
- Why are you still single?
- How do you feel about the “Tea Party?”
- Have you started putting a dent in that 401k of yours?
11. When speaking with someone in high school and college you have to gulp down the urge to release a “When I was your age,” on them.
12. You start to question who some of these people on your Facebook newsfeed are and then you realize it’s because they got married and have new last names.
13. Your high school reunion has passed. Or is freakishly close.
14. You look up the going rate for Beanie Babies these days and your computer even laughs at you.
15. Your metabolism has a theme song and it’s Don’t Stop Believing.
